Mrs. Mcgillocotty Finds A Body Read online



  Mrs. McGillocotty Finds a Body

  By J.R. Bowles

  Copyright by Lynjobow 2012

  Chapter 1

  Mrs. Elva McGillocotty with shovel in hand patted the grave she had just finished covering up. This was the third grave she had finished this year and it was only May.

  “Sarah are you going to bring the flowers or not?” Elva yelled in her shaky-husky voice up the basement stairs.

  “I’m coming dear. I only have to finish the pansies and the asters. I had to make sure they didn’t clash.” Sarah clopped down the stairs carrying a huge bouquet. “I do think the asters give it that touch of a warm autumn day.”

  “It’s spring you old loon. Not autumn. Tsk, tsk.” Elva reprimanded. “And you say I’m the one losing my mind.”

  “Oh, I know dear. The florist had a real special on them.” Sarah consoled then asked, “How did you get him down here without my help, Elva? You really mustn’t strain yourself.” Sarah paused and then started to feel around her skirt. “Now where did I put my glasses?”

  “Never-you mind how I got him here. The deed is done.” Elva quipped. “And the glasses are on your head, you ole’ screen door. If the wind were blowing you wouldn’t be able to even keep the flies out.”

  Sarah shook her head back and forth in dismay. She looked around the dirt-floor basement remembering the days when Father used to make his elixir down here. Oh how she had loved to help. She had gathered the berries and helped with the sacks of malt and sugar. But those days had been long gone and all the money had run out from their inheritance long ago.

  Elva had married when she was young but the marriage didn’t last, he left after only two weeks without a word.

  As for Sarah, she had never married, although she had suitors from time to time. Oh how wonderful it had been when they had come to sit in the parlor and listen to music. Those days were gone. Now it was only the occasional boarder they had taken in to supplement their income that sat in the parlor with them.

  But then a girl had to do what a girl had to do. Didn’t she? She sighed aloud as she stared at the grave. She couldn’t believe it was the third one and the month was only half over. Poor old Mr. Berkinbuss, he had been so sick over the last several weeks. She tried to remember what day it was he came to live with them. Oh yes, she remembered it was April fool’s day.

  My, my how time does fly when you get old. It seemed only yesterday that she and Elva had buried their first boarder. Now what was his name? She really was getting forgetful also.

  “Sarah! Sarah! Are you daydreaming again? Never-you mind. Let’s say our blessings over him and get back upstairs. It’s just too damp down here, makes my arthritis act up.” Elva chastised.

  “I’ll start Sister.” Sarah bowed her heads and made the sign of the cross.

  “Aeternum Dominus sit vobiscum.” They both spoke the blessing together.

  “Did you get it right this time Elva? He was Catholic wasn’t he?”

  “Yes I’m sure he was and we asked the Lord to be with him in eternity. Although, he was circumcised, he could have been Jewish.”

  “No dear, we said all eternity, not in eternity. Elva, please tell me you weren’t looking at his man thing, were you?” Sarah just shook her head and furrowed her already wrinkled forehead. Her pugged nose flared just a touch in disapproval. But down deep she was glad Elva did the unmentionable stuff.

  “Sarah I told you we only had a Plutonic relationship.”

  “It’s Platonic! Pluto was Mickey Mouse’s dog.” Sarah shrugged and headed for the steps. “Let’s go wash up for supper before it gets too late. You know how you are when you don’t get enough sleep.”

  “Sarah you go on ahead of me. You know how long it takes me to get up these steps anymore with this hip acting up like it is.”

  Sarah stopped as she stepped from the stairs into the hallway between the kitchen and sitting room. She immediately saw the rug that had been jostled out of place was pushed across the floor where Elva had dragged poor Mr. Berkinbuss. She held her back and bent over to straighten the rug.

  “There that is much better.” Sarah said aloud even though nobody was there to hear her.

  She looked around the sitting room she liked to call the parlor and sighed. It was much the same as it had been when Papa had been alive. There was his sturdy worn high-backed chair, with the tall round table he always laid his pipe on. Although he had rarely smoked, he just enjoyed having it.

  Elva finally arrived at the top of the steps as Sarah left the parlor and went towards the kitchen.

  “Ding dong!” The doorbell rang.

  Elva grinned and waited a moment. “Ding dong!”

  “Avon calling,” Sang out Elva.

  “Ding dong.” Again the bell rang. Elva opened her mouth to repeat when Sarah came back in the parlor wiping her hands with a dish towel.

  “For goodness sakes, Elva you’re as dingy as the door bell. Couldn’t you have answered it?”

  Sarah finished drying her hands by the time she reached the door. She gave an extra wipe with the cloth to ensure they weren’t damp. The moisture made the brass knob tarnish faster.

  “Hello, Agnes, do come in.” Sarah said stepping aside for her neighbor from across the street. She watched as a whirlwind of energy disguised as an old lady, with auburn dyed-hair, whisked pass her.

  “I’m so glad you’re home. I’m so worried. I haven’t seen your boarder for two days now and….”

  “Agnes, if you’re speaking of Mr. Berkinbuss, he got a call from his sister in Bruburn and had to leave early this morning. She is sick and he said he had to move back home and take care of her.” Sarah said following behind, as Agnes walked over to the grand piano and she ran her fingers along the upper edge checking for dust.

  “Oh my, you two certainly have the worst luck with boarders anymore they just don’t seem to stay long.” Agnes patted the bun on the top of her head, pushed the pins in to tighten it.

  “Aggie? Is that you?” Elva spoke so loud the other two women winced.

  “Gees, Elva do you have to call me that? I’ve asked you a hundred times to call me Agnes or Mrs. Jeffrey Petrie-Hilltop, if you are referring to me. But never, and I do mean never use that name.”

  “How is Jeffy doing Aggie?” Elva said as if she hadn’t heard a word the other woman had spoken.

  “Elva dear,” Sarah interrupted, “Jeffrey died this past January. Remember dear. He fell off the roof of their house while taking down the Christmas lights.”

  “Oh, that’s right. I’m sorry Aggie for your loss.” Elva started forward to hug Agnes and got rebuked.

  “For heaven’s sake Elva, would you stop that? We go through this every time I come over.” She shrugged Elva away and turned to Sarah. “Sarah you have got to get her some help. She’s losing what little sense she had.”

  “She is in the room Aggie and she can hear you.” Elva balled her fists up at her side and stared hard at Agnes, her brown eyes flaming with anger. “I might be a bit forgetful, but I can tell you one thing, you’re still an ugly bi….”

  “Elva!” Sarah interrupted. “Now that will be enough. Dear we know you didn’t mean anything by it.”

  Elva stormed over and stopped in front of a white wing mahogany frame chair and sat down gracefully on its original damask upholstery. She huffed, a few loud snorts and picked up her bag of knitting, pulling out a skein of yarn she began clicking needle to needle.

  Sarah turned to Agnes. “I’m sorry Agnes. She gets tired during the afternoons.”

  “Well, I certainly didn’t mean to upset her.”


  “She will calm down after she has knitted for a few minutes. I promise she will be fine.”

  “Ding dong.” The doorbell rang.

  “Avon calling,” Elva sang out a big smile spread across her face.

  “I told you she would be alright in a while.” Sarah headed to the door and opened it.

  “Nickolas, did you forget your keys again?” Sarah asked.

  “Yes ma’am.” The fourteen year old boy answered. “And call me Nick. I’m not Nickel-ass! That’s what the kids at school like to call me. And I don’t like it.” And under his breath he mumbled, “Someday they’re going to pay.”

  “What have you there in the box?” Sarah asked.

  He shrugged and looked at her. The sprinkle of freckles across his nose seemed to have darkened from the sun. His dark auburn hair was streaked with lighter strands. His voice thick and husky but still a boy’s voice.

  “It’s a squirrel for my collection.” He answered. “May I go to my room?”

  “Certainly Nickolas, but first say hello to Mrs. Petrie-Hilltop and your Aunt Elva. You must always remember your manners.” Sarah chastised.

  “How, do you do?” The boy said with a mock of a bow and a misaligned grin before he took off running up the stairs towards his room. He paused at the top of the stairs and yelled back. “Hi Aunt Elva,” and giggled to himself.

  “Strange boy,” Agnes said shaking her head.

  “He’s not strange.” Elva laid down her knitting and stood up using the arm of the chair for leverage. “Aggie? Why did you come over here anyway?” Elva challenged.

  “Berkinbuss.” Agnes turned to Sarah and added. “You really must get her some medical help.”

  Sarah opened her mouth to speak but Elva interrupted. “Listen haggie ― Aggie, if you want to live to see tomorrow you had better start apologizing to me.” Elva said and punctuated the sentence with a stab of a knitting needle.

  Agnes’ eyes widened and she began to stutter. “I, I, never meant to offend you Elva. You know how I worry about you.” Then she added as she retreated towards the door, “I really must be going.”

  “Ding dong!”

  “Avon calling,” Elva whimsically sang out with a big smile.

  “Now who could that be?” Sarah said.

  “Well find out.” Agnes urged and stopped where she was deciding to wait and see.

  Sarah opened the door slowly to a young man in his mid-twenties. “Oh, hello, may we help you?”

  “Hello, Mrs. McGillocotty?” The man paused as he eyed the three older women in the room. His eyes inspected each one slowly. Sarah was tall and lean, slightly bent, stern face and a pleasant smile. Then he saw Agnes, cold and harsh staring at him quizzically. Finally his eyes fell upon Elva; a broad smile with a soft full figure. Her short statue made her seem quite a bit on the plump side. She was several inches shorter than the other two women.

  “I am Mrs. McGillocotty.” Elva answered. “But most people call me Elva. Please do….” She wiped her hands on her dress and reached out to shake his. “Do come in young man.” Then she turned to Agnes cocked one gray eyebrow and added, “I thought you were leaving?”

  “Oh, I’m in no hurry dear.” Agnes responded smiling at Elva to placate her anger. “Please ignore me.”

  “I’m Patrick Donovan. I am the new science teacher at the high school.” He paused as they chimed in with oh, and that’s so nice.

  He gave them a charming toothy smile and continued. “Mr. O’Dougal in the village told me that you nice ladies rent rooms and I was wondering if you had any available.”

  “Of course dear boy, we have several.” Elva said. “This is Sarah McCoy, my sister, and the sour old lady over there is Aggie.”

  “Mrs. Agnes Petrie-Hilltop.” Agnes held her hand out and added, “Wife of Jeffrey Hilltop ― my dear departed husband.”

  “Her husband jumped out the window last January.” Elva smiled wickedly.

  “He most certainly did not.” Agnes countered.

  “Uh, about the room…?” Patrick Donovan said nervously.

  “Oh yes, let me show you the room and see if you like it. Come with me,” Sarah said and then patted Elva on the hand before she left. “Now please behave yourself sister.”

  “My word,” Elva said. “I always behave myself. Just tell that old bitty over there to behave herself.” She turned to Agnes and said, “I thought you were leaving? Let me get your coat.” She walked over to the closet just inside the front door and opened it.

  Elva stood there a few minutes staring; she scrunched her face quizzically, scratched her head then shut the door. “Agnes, I just remember you didn’t bring a coat.”

  “It’s spring, Elva, it's spring. You’re getting worse and worse.” Agnes declared. “Mr. Donovan? Had he called you before, or was today the first time you met him?”

  “Oh, I had never met him before. He’s most pleasant and so tall with all that curly blond hair. Didn’t you say you were leaving Agnes? Did I get your coat? Oh that’s right no coat.” Elva walked over sat down in her winged chair, picked up her knitting and resumed whispering the pattern. “Knit three, purl two, knit four, purl three.”

  Agnes smiled to herself and decided on a different approach. She walked over and sat down in the chair opposite Elva. “Good morning Elva. How are you today?”

  Elva looked up and smiled. “Oh hello Agnes, when did you arrive?”

  “Just a few minutes ago, I noticed you had a new gentleman caller. You sly girl and he’s so young and handsome.”

  “Do you think so? I really didn’t think he was that young.” Elva said, needles clicking away. “I really don’t feel right when a gentleman caller won’t come out of the closet.”

  Agnes furrowed her brow. “What? Whatever do you mean? Mr. Donovan is in the closet? I believe he went upstairs with Sarah.”

  “Oh of course that’s right.” Elva looked up furrowed her brows. “I thought you had gone Aggie. What are you talking about Mr. Donovan being in the closet? He’s upstairs with Sarah. You must pay better attention.”

  “The new teacher, Mr. Donovan, he’s upstairs with Sarah.” Agnes said carefully. “Now what can you tell me about Mr. Donovan?”

  “Oh….” Elva stood up. “Here they come now. Hello Mr. Donovan, how did you like the room? Agnes said you were in the closet. Did you come out of the closet?”

  “What are you talking about dear?” Sarah asked then turned to Mr. Donovan whispered, “She gets confused sometimes.”

  “I most certainly am not confused.” Elva protested. “And my hearing is quite excellent. Agnes said Mr. Donovan was in the closet but that’s not true. I know it’s not true.”

  Patrick smiled, “Uh, I believe I should thank you for that vote of confidence Mrs. McGillocotty.”

  “Of course not,” Elva said. “It’s Mr. Smythe, who is in the closet.”

  “What!” Sarah spoke with a high squeak in her voice. “Mr. Smythe? He’s still at work dear. What are you talking about dear? Never mind dear, I’ll find out later.” She turned and said, “Mr. Donovan, we will expect you to be moving in later right?”

  “I’ll be here. And please call me Patrick. I’m sure I will get enough of Mr. Donovan from my students.”

  “Only if you will call us Sarah and Elva,” Sarah retorted. “Let me get you your keys so you can come and go as you want. We do like to keep the doors locked at all times.”

  Sarah walked over to the phone table opened a drawer and handed him the keys.

  “How long will you be here?” Agnes asked.

  “Only until I can find a small house or flat. Well I must be going.” He smiled adding. “Thank you, I’ll see myself out.”

  “Agnes you will excuse us, won’t you dear. Elva and I have linens to change and whatnots to dust.”

  Sarah walked Agnes to the door, closed and locked it behind
her. She turned to Elva. “Elva dear, what were you talking about when you said Mr. Smythe was in the closet?”

  Elva sat clicking her needles for a moment and then smiled. “Oh yes, Mr. Smythe is in the closet. I do believe he will have to go to the Frengland Channel.”

  “What are you saying Elva? Poor old Mr. Smythe is dead?”

  “As a doorknob,” Elva said.

  “You mean door nail dear, ― dead as a door nail.” Then Sarah commented to herself. “I wonder why they say that. Door nails aren’t dead, they’ve never been alive.”

  Sarah walked over to the closet and slowly opened it. She sighed loudly. “My, my, now who did this to you Mr. Smythe?” She leaned in, looking to see if there were any obvious causes of injury. On first inspection she saw nothing. Elva had looked over Mr. Berkinbuss, and had seen nothing. She guessed she should look over Mr. Smythe. Even if Elva had seen something she wouldn’t remember enough to say anything. What was she going to do with Elva?

  After over an hour the two sisters returned to the sitting room from the basement where they had laid Mr. Smythe. Sarah had inspected Mr. Smythe’s body but didn’t see anything unusual. Elva certainly loved to take their clothes off. That made four since the first of January.

  Thank goodness they had a new boarder with the loss of revenue they could hardly keep up the cost of the household. Sarah had to fuss at Elva for the extra close examination of Mr. Smythe. Which was disturbing but the big question is who could possibly be killing these people.

  Sarah joined Elva in the kitchen as they both washed and disinfected their hands.

  “Elva. Who is killing our boarders?” She knew she should wait until morning to quiz Elva. It was getting late. She was sun-downing. “Well dear it’s almost bedtime don’t you think? I need to check on Nickolas, get him fed and ready for bed. Can you get yourself to bed?”

  “Yes Mama, I’ll go to bed now.” Elva said as she headed towards her bedroom.

  Sarah McCoy sighed, she supposed if Elva had been hungry she would have remembered to eat… surely she would.